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KL/Selangor - Subang Parade, Subang Jaya
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On December 20th at 10:30 am

Reviewed by Lynelle

Title 8/10

Your title's nice but, it's kinda cliche. However, it matches your story well so you don't need to make any alterations :)

Foreword and Description 7/10
The description is good, and it's a nice introduction. It doesn't expose the whole story and it's not that short either. But the foreword seems to be going all over the place. I think it would be better if you placed the characters first before your note.(author's note) Also, you can have the characters' datas or description in bullet form if you don't want to provide sentences.

eg.

Nam Ka Eun (you)

▪ 16 years old

▪ has a huge crush on Jungkook

▪ Stubborn

▪ kind

Plot 18/20
Since it's a smut, your readers should really enjoy it :P And I did. The plot is quite common though. I've read a lot of fics that has the same plot. So my suggestion is for you to add some twists on the upcoming chapters to make your story unique.

Flow and Execution 18/20
Everything is expressed and executed at the right time. I admire the italicized words there that shows what the character thinks and it's good that you don't need to have someone's POV in order to make the readers feel the whole situation in your story.

Spelling and Grammar 14/20
You should improve on your punctuations. A lot of them are wrong. You shouldn't put a comma ( , ) after a period ( . ) and a question mark ( ? ) Also, you should place a comma instead of periods on your description. And another thing is the capitalization. Here's the correct thing to do with your description:

This is the only part that I was able to correct, sorry. Just find the other mistakes yourself. (I'm talking about the chapters here)

Overall enjoyment 19/20
I'm enjoying the story so far. But I can't put 20 since that one point is always for improvement. Keep it up!

Final score 81/100

Story Title: (5/5)
The title really caught my attention so I’ll give you 5

Description/Summary/Foreword: (4/5)
The description was okay but the letters were too BIG. I think you should minimize it a little. But I like the way you describe the characters.

Story Plot/Originality: (10/10)
I may have read a lot of stories with a cold person but this one is different. So I’ll give you a PERFECT 10!

Flow: (10/10)
The flow of the story was GOOD

Grammar/Spelling: (8/10)
There was one misspelled word and it was from the description. The word was “noscence” I think you should change it to “nonsense”. There were wrong grammars too. The 1st one and 2nd one were from the description and the 3rd one was from the chapter 15


1.Instead of: Theres nothing that your dad can’t do.
Consider: There’s nothing that your dad can’t do.

2.Instead of: You didn’t had friends anyway
Consider: You didn’t have friends anyway.

3.Instead of: No! Of course I didn’t did that on purpose.
Consider: No! Of course I didn’t do that on purpose.



Enjoyment: (9/10)
I do enjoy your story, but I think you have to make your chapters long. Because some people like chapters that are long, I know because I’m an author too. So I’ll give you 9! ^_^

Total: (46/50)

Would I recommend it?: Of course, Yes!!!


Sorry if it took so long to review ^^

Review by Happy_Virus_21

Story Title: (5/5)

The title is good!

Description/Summary/Foreword: (4/5)

The description was okay.

Story Plot/Originality: (8/10)

YESH I liked the plot! Not really original though.

Flow: (10/10)

I know this is a one shot, but it had a nice flow to it. Nothing hard to understand.

Grammar/Spelling: (9/10)

‘He drove you further and further without saying a word and finally he pullovered infront of an empty shop.’ ‘pullovered’ should be ‘pulled over’ and ‘in front’ are two different words.

“Gosh that smile, it still make my heart flutter” ‘make’ should be ‘makes’.

“3 months in the states felt like a day to me” I think you made a typo or did you really mean to use day?

“Well,…since we haven’t seen each other for quiet some time,..’ I think you mean ‘quite’ not ‘quiet’.

“But why did you broke off the kiss earlier!?” ‘broke’ should be ‘break’.

Enjoyment: (9/10)

I don’t really like stories that have ____ in it because it gets kinda annoying tbh. I still like this one shot!

Total: (45/50)

Would I recommend it?: Yeah. So Christmas-y!~

OMG This was so cute and fluffy!! >.<

Love BAPBlackjackVIP